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When I was pregnant with you I thought you were cancer. I’m out of the closet and I’m never going back in! The hell she is! You get back in your closet you harlot!īitch I got powers now. I’ll be flying around Seattle and throwing cars at people in no time.ĬHLOË is getting ready to go to PROM with ANSEL. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind if I ever go an a murderous rampage.ĬHLOË is honing her POWERS by MAKING SHIT FLOAT. Yes, but I stuck up for you in class because I’m a genuinely nice guy. Go to prom with me.Īren’t you Gabriella’s boyfriend? Wait, is she making you ask me to prom because she still feels guilty? HA HA!Īren’t you aware that this girl was just publicly humiliated a few days ago? What kind of teacher are you?Įxactly what part of “I’m a prick” didn’t you understand? Class, let’s all point and laugh at Chloë’s stupid face Nelson style. Huh? So I DID know about the Internet?! Okay, now there is absolutely no excuse for me not knowing about how vaginas work.ĬHLOË is in class and asked to read a FORESHADOWING POEM in front of the other students.Īpparently I’m a prick and I think your poem sucks. I had better go to the library and use the magic Internet box to research this phenomenon. I guess I really can’t ignore my ability anymore. Meanwhile CHLOË uses her POWERS to break more shit. I'm the victim here! This is all Chloë’s fault! Right guys? Right?Īll the OTHER GIRLS suddenly realize just how much of a CUNT PORTIA IS.
Gabriella wilde carrie 2013 plus#
Plus you recorded Chloë’s freakout on your phone. I didn’t do anything wrong here.Įxcept be a total bitch to a girl who’s never hurt anyone and has clearly been sheltered her entire life. Even you, Chloë.ĬOACH JUDY is punishing the girls who laughed at CHLOË by making them GET IN SHAPE.Īs Queen Bitch, I blame Chloë for not knowing what her period is and making me point and laugh at her. Let’s all pretend like that didn’t just happen.
Gabriella wilde carrie 2013 crack#
CHLOË uses TELEKINESIS to crack the door. JULIANNE backhands THE FUCK out of CHLOË and locks her in a closet. Mama, why didn’t you warn me about this whole menstrual cycle business? Let’s all pretend that didn’t just happen, and that anyone who saw the original Carrie isn’t having a severe fucking case of déjà vu. Let’s all ignore the fact shit just broke all by itself.ĬHLOË goes home and some TWERP ON A BIKE harasses her, so she uses TELEKINESIS to knock him off. Here, wear this plaid shirt, that should help.ĬHLOË is dressed in FARM CLOTHES and taken to the PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE.Ĭhloë, we must call your mother and tell her about your Aunt Flo. Yeah, but for the sake of visual filmmaking you'd think they'd at least try to ugly you up a bit by giving you glasses or a ponytail or even a fat suit. Say Chloë, aren't you a little too, well, normal looking to be playing an outcast like Carrie? Wait, no? You mean I’m not going to get in trouble for hitting a student even though I admitted it in front of my superiors? Are we filming the 1976 script or the 2013 script? I can’t tell.
Gym Coach JUDY GREER swoops in to rescue CHLOË by PIMP-SLAPPING HER.Īnd there goes my job and a potential lawsuit against the school. Even if you’ve been sheltered your whole entire life how could you not have heard about periods or managed to avoid The Internet for this long?įorgive me if I’m not interested in learning from your magic devil box because MY VAGINA IS BLEEDING! I refuse to go along with you snotty bitches any further and take pity on Chloë.īut seriously, this is 2013. Oh my God I’m dying! Somebody help me! I’m bleeding from my naughty area!ĭuh, chicks do that, retard. Teenaged CHLOË is a shy and awkward young girl who is becoming a young woman.
What follows is a SCENE-FOR-SCENE REMAKE.ĭon’t look at me, I had nothing to do with this one.
Gabriella wilde carrie 2013 movie#
I wonder if the rest of the movie will be like this? Hmm, this scene wasn’t in the original movie and thus was a surprise.
JULIANNE cuts the umbilical cord and hugs her baby, presumably to squeeze THE LIFE out of it. No wonder this kid is going to want me murdered. Wait, the umbilical cord isn't located in the face? Whoops. JULIANNE grabs a HUGE pair of SCISSORS she must have gotten from the HUGE PAIR OF SCISSORS BLOWOUT SALE and holds them up to BABY CHLOË’S FACE. JULIANNE MOORE is GIVING BIRTH in the comfort of her own bed because hospitals are LAME.īABY CHLOË GRACE MORETZ is born and she is a PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL.
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